Agent Kitty
He backed him up against the wall and said, "I have some terrible news for you." Agent Kitty, prepared to attack leveraging the extensive Krav Maga training he had done with Mossad in Israel, but then...he hesitated...what news could this stranger have? And why had he not ambushed properly? And why was he wearing a white lab coat?
His paws still balled into fists prepared to strike, Agent Kitty spat "Yeah? What's your fucking news you lab-coat-wearing-douchebag science-tech person? And who are you? And do you have a tuna fish sandwich?"
The man reached in his pocket.
"SLOWLY!" hissed Agent Kitty.
"It's tunafish, your favorite."
"How did you know?"
"You don't remember because we wiped your memory clean. It was the only way to protect you. If the mice knew what you knew, they would have captured you and tortured it out of you."
"Bullshit," Agent Kitty sniffed, "I wouldn't break under the pressure"
"Remember Mozambique? Oh no...of course you don't. Well, you gave up the coordinates of an entire battalion after having yout litter box withheld for only a day. You gave them the communication frequency for a piece of yarn. You're horrible at being interogated."
"Oh yeah...well I can kick ass pretty well, maybe I should show you," Agent Kitty now having finished his sandwich, grabbed the man by the lapels of his white lab coat.
"Wait!" the man exclaimed. "Don't you want to hear the news?"
Kitty released his grip. "OK...let's have it, clownshoes."
"You came into the lab before the last few jobs because your stomach hurt and you had put on a few pounds and your nipples hurt. You though it might be cancer."
"I have cancer?"
"No...you're pregnant."
"What? But I'm a Tomcat! I've been bedding ladies for decades!"
"I'm afraid you're a hermaphrodite."
"A what?"
"Yes, and during the long sail over to Ireland during the Belfast job...you apparently fucked yourself...and now you're pregnant."
Agent Kitty reeled, confused, vacilating between anger and overwhelming fear. He looked at the man in the lab coat.
"Does this mean I have to stop smoking and drinking?"
"I'm afraid it means you're being called back to the base."
"I'm in Paris. What about RU 486?"
"Kitty. Too late for that. You're going to be a mother."
His paws still balled into fists prepared to strike, Agent Kitty spat "Yeah? What's your fucking news you lab-coat-wearing-douchebag science-tech person? And who are you? And do you have a tuna fish sandwich?"
The man reached in his pocket.
"SLOWLY!" hissed Agent Kitty.
"It's tunafish, your favorite."
"How did you know?"
"You don't remember because we wiped your memory clean. It was the only way to protect you. If the mice knew what you knew, they would have captured you and tortured it out of you."
"Bullshit," Agent Kitty sniffed, "I wouldn't break under the pressure"
"Remember Mozambique? Oh no...of course you don't. Well, you gave up the coordinates of an entire battalion after having yout litter box withheld for only a day. You gave them the communication frequency for a piece of yarn. You're horrible at being interogated."
"Oh yeah...well I can kick ass pretty well, maybe I should show you," Agent Kitty now having finished his sandwich, grabbed the man by the lapels of his white lab coat.
"Wait!" the man exclaimed. "Don't you want to hear the news?"
Kitty released his grip. "OK...let's have it, clownshoes."
"You came into the lab before the last few jobs because your stomach hurt and you had put on a few pounds and your nipples hurt. You though it might be cancer."
"I have cancer?"
"No...you're pregnant."
"What? But I'm a Tomcat! I've been bedding ladies for decades!"
"I'm afraid you're a hermaphrodite."
"A what?"
"Yes, and during the long sail over to Ireland during the Belfast job...you apparently fucked yourself...and now you're pregnant."
Agent Kitty reeled, confused, vacilating between anger and overwhelming fear. He looked at the man in the lab coat.
"Does this mean I have to stop smoking and drinking?"
"I'm afraid it means you're being called back to the base."
"I'm in Paris. What about RU 486?"
"Kitty. Too late for that. You're going to be a mother."
posted by Wilson at 9:21 AM
1 Comments:
this is riveting gentlemen. hang tight, i'm on deck...
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